Taking A Time Out

Hello my name is Amy, and I’m social media addict. I know it’s bad for me, mentally and physically but I just can’t help myself, it’s just too easy to access.

In a time before Motherhood, I signed up to several different social media platforms. Over a few years, as the Internet evolved, and way social media changed, I joined more sites. 

Things changed from ways to communicate with friends after school, to a way to share my daily life in different forms; photographs, video, “status updates” to name a few. I became one of these people who found it difficult to step away from the Internet. The harmless way to stay connected with friends new and old, had become a habit. I was on the platforms everyday, and very soon I was suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out)

Seeing what people were up to made me feel inadequate, I felt like I had to be better. I had to share more, become a more interesting person. I had become the kind of person that people wanted to ask out, someone to do things with, so I wouldn’t miss out and I could share it with all my friends. 

If I’m honest it really took Noah making his surprise appearance in my life to really take a step back.  Now some of you are saying but you are blogging, and want to move onto vlogging, and are still very active on social media sites. While this is true, I really have had to take a step back from social media. Being a mum means some days I find just about enough time to spend five minutes being able to brush my teeth, wash my face and pull a brush through my hair. Let alone spend hours trawling through different social media platforms. 

Then the other day I read a blog post, by beauty and mothering blogger Hannah Maggs (link to the post is at the end), about the challenge her and her husband had set upon themselves, to have a internet and communication technology “Blackout”. After reading it I felt inspired, and ready to take on the challenge of not using my phone, the television, or any social media platform from the time Noah went to bed, till the time we got up. The only exception being watching movies, Hannah and Stef allowed themselves to watch box sets, but as I have a self confessed Netflix addiction I felt this would defeat the object of a blackout. 

As I settled Noah down to sleep I felt a sense of impending doom, how would I cope? My highest use of social media is after Noah has gone down to bed, or for a nap, but I had my mind set on succeeding so I started my internet free evening.

How refreshing it was, not only did I managed to get loads of housework completed, but I cooked myself dinner, and actually sat down and managed to finish a book. I slept so much better that night (when Noah wasn’t waking me up!), I felt like I had really wound down and distressed from the day, I also felt like I had really taken some time for myself. I think the other bonus for everyone else is they weren’t bombarded with photos of my dinner, my relaxing position on the sofa, the scrummy hot chocolate I relaxed with, several updates on how dinner was going, how well I ploughed through the housework, the list goes on.

I would definitely recommend to anyone who feels like the day just gets on top of them, those who feel too overwhelmed to settle down for sleep properly, to try having an evening of switching off. Honestly the benefits well outweigh the negatives, so I will be making this a regular part of my week, without a doubt.

Hannah Maggs blog post: http://www.hannahmaggs.co.uk/blackout/

Feautred image: http://www.ninjamarketing.it/2012/10/16/che-tipo-di-social-media-addict-sei-infografica/

Big Surprise

It has taken me a while to write this blog. A lot of courage has been required recently to keep going, and I feel that writing and sharing is the only way that I can cope with some pretty amazing changes that are going on in my life.

*and breathe*

Let me start a little way back around March 2010.
I was overweight on the outside and horrendously unhappy on the inside. But not only was I holding onto my emotions on the inside, my lifestyle was very slowly catching up with me, and not in a good way.
I always knew what I was doing was self destructive, foods that should have been reserved for treats or every now and again occasions, had made their way into my life and were everyday occurrences, sometimes I would indulge more than once a day on sugary fatty goodness that was no good for me.
I was at college, and worked for a fast food company to support myself. Being in that environment was an amazing way to self abuse through food. I would eat fast food 3 times a day, and have other meals cooked at home by my parents which were healthy and nutritious, but couldn’t compete with the call of the fatty foods.
I would eat on the sly and hide food packaging wherever I could.
I did a minimum amount of exercise, usually just the movement pieces set by teachers from my performing arts course at college. Which would probably amount to two hours a week, if that.
Then one day I was hanging out with my friends at college, when I thought I was going to die.
I couldn’t breathe, I had chest pains which were excruciating.
I went to the local hospital, who ran tests and eventually concluded that I was suffering from Gallstones.
They were so severe, that even though it was the first episode I had experienced, the doctors decided that surgery would be the only way to solve this problem. I had already done too much damage, and nothing would be able to stop any episodes reoccurring.
So I had a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy, which is keyhole surgery to remove the Gallbladder.

You would think this would spur me to eat better, I was told to go onto a 5% Fat based diet which would help me manage my weight.

No. No it did not.

I hit fast food harder. Why did I need to diet? The issue was gone, and because of the surgery there was not threat of it returning.
Great. Right?

No.

I stayed in my job after finishing college, so gone was my little bit of exercise, I ate ridiculous amounts of fast food, smoked, drank, drove everywhere. I was on a one woman crusade to live the life of excess.

Eventually I left my job in the fast food industry to join a job at Gatwick Airport in May 2013. This job had me moving around more than I had done in years. I was told I could walk up to 10 miles a day. And I did. It was exhausting.
But in my first week on the job I lost an amazing nine pounds.
I was not eating fast food, and I was moving.

But it was also too late.

I may have been shifting weight, but I’d already done irreparable damage on the inside.

In the October I found myself in agony again, I was scared and in a lot of pain. At first I was diagnosed with a possible Appendicitis. But after more tests, some very invasive, I was eventually diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries.
At first I was relieved that I knew what was happening. Then my doctor started to explain that because of my condition, I would struggle to have children.

I know a lot of women have this, I know we all have it for different reasons. However I was faced with the facts that I had done so much damage to my body, I had left myself possibly unable to have children.

It was time to change

I started to eat healthy. I found exercise, at first I hated it, but then I started to find things that worked for me. By the time 2014 started I had lost almost four stone and I felt amazing.

At this time I also started up a casual relationship. For the first time ever I felt confident enough.

But I was reckless

Being told that I may find it difficult to conceive naturally, I didn’t worry about taking birth control. But what I didn’t realise was that losing all this weight had taken pressure off my internal organs.

I found out February 14th 2014 that I was going to have a baby

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I was overjoyed, terrified, but in my eyes this was a miracle. In such a short space of time I had turned my life around, I had taken a promotion at work, was taking care of myself, and been blessed with naturally conceiving a baby.

So just a short skip back through time to get you to where I am today!

I am 27 weeks pregnant and don’t know what I am expecting.
It’s not been easy to get to today. I am going to be a single mother not totally by choice, but I can’t change things now.
And this blog is what it’s all about.
Me working through things.
I may be a single parent, but I’m not alone.

I have an amazing family and group of friends.
I wouldn’t have got this far without them.
I hope you follow me on my journey through pregnancy, to becoming a mummy.
It’s going to be one hell of a journey