This was not what I wanted to write a blog post about. I did have a happy topic but that will have to wait now, because I have something to get off my chest.
I am fed up with people making hurtful comparisons about our babies.
I know that the mummy world is a very dog eat dog world. Everyone’s baby has to be better than everyone else’s. I’ll admit it I get things like changing bag, pushchair, baby clothes, high chair, baby crib, baby nursery envy. But I try not to compare children. This doesn’t just fall to the mummy world, everyone compares themselves to someone else. Most people see what people are “better” at and feel they are inadequate or somewhat lacking for whatever reason, which leads to the green eyed monster to rear it ugly head. Some people though are the opposite, they are better, no one is better, no one can achieve the perfect perfectness of their life. This is what I have experienced recently when it comes to Noah.
Noah can do sitting. I am immensely proud, and burst with joy when I see him sitting there, playing with toys. However this is not enough for people.
“Why isn’t he crawling? My child crawled at this age. He’s probably just a lazy boy.”
“Is he pulling himself up on objects yet? Can he stand? If he doesn’t learn soon he’ll never do it.”
“Is that all he has achieved?”
That is what he does. That is what my gorgeous intelligent little boy has achieved. Noah has gone from a baby that could do nothing. So fully dependent on me, and now he is finding his first independent mile stones.
I’m really pleased that your child can; crawl, stand, pull themselves up, feed themselves, run a marathon, is on their way to a Noble prize, Grammy award, Oscar, BAFTA.
But what my boy has achieved is amazing. I don’t put Noah down for not moving onto more milestones. You, definitely shouldn’t put my son down, or me for that matter. My parenting is not bad, your parenting is not perfect. Why are we already asking so much of our precious children? Children learn in their own time at their own pace. You and me will not force them, and if you try it usually has a reverse affect. I tried to introduce Noah to finger foods. I was so unsuccessful at first because I kept offering him the food, kept trying to get him to eat it while I held it. So I changed my tactics, I placed a few objects on his high chair tray, and left him too it. Noah ate every single piece of finger food on that tray.
I don’t want Noah to grow up learning to compare himself on others, to find failure in himself from such a young age. I want Noah to learn that if he works hard and tries, then whatever he has achieved is great. I know that when he is older he will fall into the comparison trap, when he is more aware of the world around him. Sometimes this is good, people push themselves and can sometimes achieve great things. Some people though fall into depression, because they feel they are never good enough.
So in short I am fed up of people already putting demands on my child. Every child is amazing, whatever age, whatever stage. As parents we should support and encourage each other’s children, as well as our own, so they are willing to learn. That is what I want to do as a parent. I love seeing other parent’s children hit milestones, I know the feeling of pride and elation that comes with that, and love that they get to experience it too.
Our little babies have achieved so much already, why rush them to grow. I, for one, will enjoy my child staying in place for a little longer, still being there when I turn away, and not half way across the room, pulling out my entire DVD, magazine, priceless figurine, collections.
So let’s all take a breath, and calm down a bit, which is exactly what I’m going to do now I’ve got that off my chest.