Fed Up

This was not what I wanted to write a blog post about. I did have a happy topic but that will have to wait now, because I have something to get off my chest.

I am fed up with people making hurtful comparisons about our babies.

I know that the mummy world is a very dog eat dog world. Everyone’s baby has to be better than everyone else’s. I’ll admit it I get things like changing bag, pushchair, baby clothes, high chair, baby crib, baby nursery envy. But I try not to compare children. This doesn’t just fall to the mummy world, everyone compares themselves to someone else. Most people see what people are “better” at and feel they are inadequate or somewhat lacking for whatever reason, which leads to the green eyed monster to rear it ugly head. Some people though are the opposite, they are better, no one is better, no one can achieve the perfect perfectness of their life. This is what I have experienced recently when it comes to Noah.

Noah can do sitting. I am immensely proud, and burst with joy when I see him sitting there, playing with toys. However this is not enough for people.

“Why isn’t he crawling? My child crawled at this age. He’s probably just a lazy boy.”

“Is he pulling himself up on objects yet? Can he stand? If he doesn’t learn soon he’ll never do it.”

Noah sits.

“Is that all he has achieved?”

That is what he does. That is what my gorgeous intelligent little boy has achieved. Noah has gone from a baby that could do nothing. So fully dependent on me, and now he is finding his first independent mile stones.

I’m really pleased that your child can; crawl, stand, pull themselves up, feed themselves, run a marathon, is on their way to a Noble prize, Grammy award, Oscar, BAFTA.

But what my boy has achieved is amazing. I don’t put Noah down for not moving onto more milestones. You, definitely shouldn’t put my son down, or me for that matter. My parenting is not bad, your parenting is not perfect. Why are we already asking so much of our precious children? Children learn in their own time at their own pace. You and me will not force them, and if you try it usually has a reverse affect. I tried to introduce Noah to finger foods. I was so unsuccessful at first because I kept offering him the food, kept trying to get him to eat it while I held it. So I changed my tactics, I placed a few objects on his high chair tray, and left him too it. Noah ate every single piece of finger food on that tray.

I don’t want Noah to grow up learning to compare himself on others, to find failure in himself from such a young age. I want Noah to learn that if he works hard and tries, then whatever he has achieved is great. I know that when he is older he will fall into the comparison trap, when he is more aware of the world around him. Sometimes this is good, people push themselves and can sometimes achieve great things. Some people though fall into depression, because they feel they are never good enough.

So in short I am fed up of people already putting demands on my child. Every child is amazing, whatever age, whatever stage. As parents we should support and encourage each other’s children, as well as our own, so they are willing to learn. That is what I want to do as a parent. I love seeing other parent’s children hit milestones, I know the feeling of pride and elation that comes with that, and love that they get to experience it too.

Our little babies have achieved so much already, why rush them to grow. I, for one, will enjoy my child staying in place for a little longer, still being there when I turn away, and not half way across the room, pulling out my entire DVD, magazine, priceless figurine, collections.

So let’s all take a breath, and calm down a bit, which is exactly what I’m going to do now I’ve got that off my chest.

Mummyhood

It has been such a long time since I last wrote a post.

Too Long…

Let’s try again then.

So there has been a major change since my last bog post. I am no longer 40 weeks pregnant (hallelujah) I am mother to one completely scrummy boy.

Ahhh yes I had a boy.

In my last post I was trapped in the unknown. I didn’t know what gender my little human bean was or when they would actually make an appearance.

I was 10 days overdue by the time that my little man made his entrance into the world. I had been in labour for 4 days, when all at once, baby decided he was coming out. He had passed “GO” and was not stopping.

I am happy, proud, excited, fit to burst, to finally introduce,

Noah George

Noah George
Noah George

and here he is in a more recent photograph…

Noah George
Noah George

When I was pregnant I thought I knew what love was, I thought I already loved the small person, who I was giving life to.

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the, knock me flying off my feet, rush of love that I experienced when I first got to meet my little boy.

It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I am also blown off my feet by how much Noah amazes me. I thought seeing the same person, day in and day out, would mean that the magic would go. It would become “normal”. That things would cease to amaze and day to day life would slowly take over from the rush of love, pull me out of the baby haze that I found myself in.

This little person has gone from being this helpless infant, to a small person who can sit by himself, eat “real” foods. Noah has emotions, and can communicate those feelings with me. There is laughter, tears, chatting, playing.

No day is ever the same.

I am so looking forward to seeing what the future holds, what will Noah achieve? Who will he become?

Not to wish his life away of course, I’m just curious, because as a parent I know that the answer to those questions falls partially on me. I know that we choose our own paths, though we are sometimes swayed by our peers. Noah’s life is started by me, I put the building blocks in place, to help Noah make ” good” choices, choose a path that is fulfilling, and gives his life purpose, whatever he feels his purpose is. For the first part of his life the way I parent, and the person I teach him to be, is who he is. That is a scary thought. The choices I make even now, the things I teach Noah, may impact on his life, they may stick with him forever. That is a terrifying responsibility.

But for now I will concentrate on the present.

Make every moment count and cherish Noah everyday.

Noah and Mummy
Noah and Mummy

I won’t promise to become a regular blog publisher, but I am going to try harder, I am also going to work on getting my YouTube page up and running. These things I want to put in place so that Noah has something to look back on, as well as the photo albums filled with hundreds of photos (and that is just from when he was born to a week old!).

Well I hope all these platforms are still in place when Noah is older!

Due Date

40 weeks pregnant.

And there is no sign of little bumpy wanting to meet the world anytime soon.

Which is leading to a lot of impatient people, myself included!

I have been spending the last week trying to keep myself occupied and trying to forget that my impending due date was fast moving towards me, with no sign that my baby was making any movements towards being born.

I kept myself moving and spent a lovely day in town with one of my best friends. This meant that I was moving around, which is one of the tricks that I have been told to use to get labour going. Instead it just made me feel uncomfortable, and for the first time I had to use little steps in order to stop my pelvis from feeling like it was going to split in half. I spoke to my midwife and she says that it sounds like I am suffering from PGP (Pelvic Girdle Pain), which had it been an issue in the beginning part of my pregnancy I would have been offered physiotherapy as a way of easing  any discomfort. However due to me being in my last week of pregnancy, I was told to rest whenever I felt pain. Which is totally not what I want to be doing, but its best to be comfortable than in pain before everything really kicks off.

To make sure that I do not come to a total standstill I have been using my birth ball LOADS. I find it more comfortable to sit on than normal furniture, mostly because I find it easier to get back up again. Also I find that it means my knees sit at 45 degrees or lower than my hips which takes lot of pressure of my pelvis. I sit on it to watch telly, and to keep everything mobile I move my hips in little motions, circles, side to side, figures of 8. I find it helps the most to sit on the ball just before I go to bed, it means that I am woken up less in the night with hip and pelvis pain, which when I am trying to store up as much sleep as possible, is a really good thing.

I then did some research into other techniques that can help get labour started naturally.

I found that eating pineapple can help kick start labour because (and here comes the science part) it contains lots of Bromelain, which can help to soften the cervix, as well as an enzyme that can cause mild contractions. What I also found out is that pineapples Tropical Fruit Salad buddies; kiwi, mango and papaya, also contain this enzyme. One issue is that you would have to eat A LOT of these fruits to really get things going, but it is one way of making sure that you staying healthy right up to the end of pregnancy.

Eating Pineapple for breakfast
Eating Pineapple for breakfast.

Making sure I am getting what I need in my diet in terms of fruit and vegetables had been important for me, especially when combined with the other food that I have been eating to try and bring on labour.

I have been devouring curry!

The only issue is I tried to go really spicy and ended up triggering a painful bout of heartburn. So I have been eating curry, but probably not as spicy as would be recommended to trigger any labour.

I did get some Raspberry Leaf Tea, but the smell alone turned my stomach, so I didn’t drink any of it.

Even though I was trying the techniques, I needed to do other things to keep my mind occupied.

I had a little arts and crafts day in which I made a canvas to place by the baby’s crib and put my scan pictures in a photo frame.

Now I do not claim to be the next Leonardo da Vinci, but I am quite proud of my efforts because it adds a personal touch to the decorations in the room.

Shooting star canvas
Shooting star canvas.

It is quite a simple canvas, with a shooting star image, with the lyrics from Ellie Gouldings song How Long Will I Love You. I then added some little stars stickers to give it some depth. It was relatively cheap to do, which is another great thing when expecting a baby. The canvas and star stickers cost £2.00 each from Hobbycraft.

I also put my 12 week and 20 week scans into frames. The frames come as a set of 3 which was £6.00 from Next, they are a beautiful design though super simple. I just have to add one more picture to the middle frame, I am still trying to decide what kind of picture I want to place in the middle, be it a picture of just my newborn baby, or a first picture of the both of us.

My photo frames.
My photo frames.

I will share what I have decided in one of my next posts.

Well that is the end of my week. It wasn’t completely manic, but when you can only move at snails pace you are slightly limited in what you can do.

Hopefully by the time I do a post next week, I will be introducing you to my new baby.

Fingers crossed!

On a side note, I have filmed my first Vlog and it should be ready to go up on my channel soon, but it became a back seat priority to making sure that I was ready in the event that labour did happen. I really won’t be leaving the house much for now till I am going into hospital, just so I don’t get stuck in Tesco or somewhere on my own, so I will be uploading it soon, it just needs a little editing.

36 Weeks!

Oh blimey. I have made it to 36 weeks. Which leaves only four weeks to go. Well that is if baby doesn’t decide he or she has had enough and wants out.

It absolutely boggles my mind, how quickly the last four weeks have gone. When I reached 32 weeks I had a little celebration, because I have done better at being pregnant than I was as an impatient baby bump. But it seems like last week I was having this celebration, rather than a whole month ago!

Things are starting to fall into place, and even though my nerves and stress levels have been all over the place, which probably hasn’t been pleasant for a lot of people, I am able to calm down and know that if baby came now I would be prepared. The hospital bags have been packed for a few weeks now, and I keep packing and re-packing them, even though the very detailed checklist shows me nothing is missing, but it passes the time since I left work.

I never thought I would say it, but I miss work. I miss the structure and routine of going to work, and I’ve tried to keep some sort of structure in my days so I don’t completely fall out of a routine before baby comes along, but it’s been difficult. I get tired throughout the day even though I don’t do much, so I have a nap every now and again. Something I definitely couldn’t have done in a 12 hour shift at Gatwick. I saw my midwife this week and she did a little happy dance of joy, she didn’t like the hours I was working or the shift pattern, but I felt comfortable enough to continue so why not? I suppose she had my best interests at heart, but I didn’t feel the need to give up work. My maternity leave officially began on the 20th of September, and I only left at the end of August because I had leave to take, I was told to either use it, or lose it. So I took advantage!

I also miss the people I worked with massively, I miss the banter that happened everyday. I miss the drama (well most of it!). I also just miss Gatwick as a place. I very always been fascinated by the airport, and I love working within it, knowing how it works, and seeing how everyone’s different role keeps Gatwick going, but let’s keep my Gatwick geek side between us!

I do have a confession to make. I feel like a fraud. I have been going to antenatal classes, which were good, I would listen to all the other mums to be with their complaints, and I decided I am really lucky. I had a tough time at the beginning of the pregnancy, with morning sickness and a couple of funny turns which resulted in trips to hospital. However I have had it pretty easy since those little humps at the beginning. Okay apart from my ankles swelling, and my hands now joining them, which means I can’t wear any of my rings anymore (majorly upset about that fact, it’s not just pre-pregnancy clothing I’ve got to get back into, but jewellery as well!), and pretty relentless heartburn, which even my super strong Gaviscon doesn’t really have any effect on anymore, it’s quite painful and I feel like a human volcano ( just call me Eyjafjallajökull!), mostly because of my size and I feel like an eruption waiting to happen every time I get heartburn.

Even with those lovely pregnancy side effects, I feel lucky, mostly because people just say how well I look. Now I am not the most accepting of compliments. I am quick to come up with an excuse why the complimentor is wrong or “You’ve just caught me on a good day“, or the go to “I’m glowing? No it’s just make up!“. But even with all those handy excuses up my sleeve, I have had to come to the admission, that I look good. I don’t always feel it, but apparently I look it. I decided I would start believing people because of the look of astonishment that accompanies a compliment. People are quite good at telling white lies to make someone feel better, but usually the truth is written all over their faces.

Another reason I feel lucky is I still get eight to nine HOURS of pretty much unbroken sleep! The women I went to the antenatal classes with seemed to be surviving off regular naps, waking up numerous times in the night, and feeling generally unable to have a comfortable nights sleep. I would stand there making fraudulent noises of agreement, making a pact with myself to never let that secret out. I feel lucky, and you can trust when I say that I am taking full advantage of all the hours sleep I am getting at the moment, especially as I know it will change very soon…

IMG_1548.JPG
Me after I was born eight weeks early, so small! Look how happy my parents look!

Searching for the Positives

Well it’s been a little while since my last post (over a month oops), but I’ve always been thinking what I want to write about next.
The last month hasn’t been a great month. People I thought were in on this journey with me for the long hall, have taken a great leap out of my life. I was really busy at work, and whether, because I knew I was leaving at the end of August, or because of the people I was dealing with, I had some confrontations that really upset me. And that’s why I haven’t been writing for the whole of August, I had the time to do it, but I didn’t want to write a negative post, especially when this is such an amazing time.

On Facebook I have seen a lot of people posting statuses, which gets them to list three positives over three days. I think this is a great idea. We as a society always look for the bad and rarely see the good, unless the good basically slaps us in the face. For something to be viewed as positive, it has to be totally out of the ordinary, if it is a small positive it is something that is just over looked. However on Facebook I saw people who said they had had a bad day looking for the positives within that, and in some cases it got them to turn the whole negative into today was actually a good day!.

So this post is going to be a positive, reflective post on my last month away from the keyboard.

First Positive
My first positive is probably going onto my holiday leave, which has been popped onto the top of my maternity leave. I will miss my works colleagues loads, but this isn’t a goodbye forever. This has also shown me that I need to take more time for myself. I had three weeks worth of leave saved up, and in my job, from now till the end of the year, we are at our busiest, which meant I would have struggled to take it had I not been pregnant. I learnt I need to take some more time for myself, and up till now I have been neglecting myself . I have only been on leave for 5 days, but I love it. So much me time. Sounds corny but I’m finding myself and working out any last demons before my baby arrives, so they come into this world to a happy, positive mummy.

Second Positive
Progression. There have been so many things happening in the last month. I stopped work as I mentioned above, but not just that has been progress. There has been progress with the bump. I had a midwife appointment, and she says things are coming along really well, and there have been no issues. I also am proud to say that I have lasted longer being pregnant, that I did as a little baby in my mummy’s womb. This might not sound like progression to some, but after a funny turn at around 24 weeks pregnant, there was always the worry of me getting Pre-Eclampsia, which was the reason I was born at 32 weeks, but there have been now issues so far. A major progression that has happened at home is decorating. I was getting a little stressed and concerned that things weren’t happening, and now I have a lovely room which is nearly ready, but if baby was to come early the room can be used without any trouble. Just in case baby was to make an early appearance, I have packed my hospital bag, which is organised for me. When I go on holiday I am good at not wearing things that I want to wear while away, and keeping those outfits to one side, but I am a last minute packer. I don’t know whether it is part of my “nesting” instinct but I feel calm and prepared knowing those bags are ready to go.

Third Positive
My amazing family and friends. Honestly I know I am only in the pregnancy stage, but the support I have been shown is outstanding. I know some people think I have made a crazy decision, but the support and words of encouragement from people has been overwhelming. I know I have some weeds to get rid of from my life, but everyone else has been great. My Facebook statuses haven’t always been positive, especially in the last month, but people have sent me messages that have really made my heart swell. Such lovely wishes of happiness and care, that have shown me that I am quiet good at choosing people to have in my life, even if a few made me doubt that for a small time. I know with no doubt in my mind that when my baby arrives there is an amazing support network full of love already in place to welcome them.

So those are my three main positives for the last month, but looking back through the month I found loads more to be happy about. I’m going to make more of a conscientious decision to make sure that the negatives don’t get me down. I mean me being in this situation is a giant positive in itself. I spoke to someone today who said it’s amazing, and I feel that if I focus on the negatives I will take away all of the miracle that I have been blessed with.

So here’s to a more positive me!