36 Weeks!

Oh blimey. I have made it to 36 weeks. Which leaves only four weeks to go. Well that is if baby doesn’t decide he or she has had enough and wants out.

It absolutely boggles my mind, how quickly the last four weeks have gone. When I reached 32 weeks I had a little celebration, because I have done better at being pregnant than I was as an impatient baby bump. But it seems like last week I was having this celebration, rather than a whole month ago!

Things are starting to fall into place, and even though my nerves and stress levels have been all over the place, which probably hasn’t been pleasant for a lot of people, I am able to calm down and know that if baby came now I would be prepared. The hospital bags have been packed for a few weeks now, and I keep packing and re-packing them, even though the very detailed checklist shows me nothing is missing, but it passes the time since I left work.

I never thought I would say it, but I miss work. I miss the structure and routine of going to work, and I’ve tried to keep some sort of structure in my days so I don’t completely fall out of a routine before baby comes along, but it’s been difficult. I get tired throughout the day even though I don’t do much, so I have a nap every now and again. Something I definitely couldn’t have done in a 12 hour shift at Gatwick. I saw my midwife this week and she did a little happy dance of joy, she didn’t like the hours I was working or the shift pattern, but I felt comfortable enough to continue so why not? I suppose she had my best interests at heart, but I didn’t feel the need to give up work. My maternity leave officially began on the 20th of September, and I only left at the end of August because I had leave to take, I was told to either use it, or lose it. So I took advantage!

I also miss the people I worked with massively, I miss the banter that happened everyday. I miss the drama (well most of it!). I also just miss Gatwick as a place. I very always been fascinated by the airport, and I love working within it, knowing how it works, and seeing how everyone’s different role keeps Gatwick going, but let’s keep my Gatwick geek side between us!

I do have a confession to make. I feel like a fraud. I have been going to antenatal classes, which were good, I would listen to all the other mums to be with their complaints, and I decided I am really lucky. I had a tough time at the beginning of the pregnancy, with morning sickness and a couple of funny turns which resulted in trips to hospital. However I have had it pretty easy since those little humps at the beginning. Okay apart from my ankles swelling, and my hands now joining them, which means I can’t wear any of my rings anymore (majorly upset about that fact, it’s not just pre-pregnancy clothing I’ve got to get back into, but jewellery as well!), and pretty relentless heartburn, which even my super strong Gaviscon doesn’t really have any effect on anymore, it’s quite painful and I feel like a human volcano ( just call me Eyjafjallaj√∂kull!), mostly because of my size and I feel like an eruption waiting to happen every time I get heartburn.

Even with those lovely pregnancy side effects, I feel lucky, mostly because people just say how well I look. Now I am not the most accepting of compliments. I am quick to come up with an excuse why the complimentor is wrong or “You’ve just caught me on a good day“, or the go to “I’m glowing? No it’s just make up!“. But even with all those handy excuses up my sleeve, I have had to come to the admission, that I look good. I don’t always feel it, but apparently I look it. I decided I would start believing people because of the look of astonishment that accompanies a compliment. People are quite good at telling white lies to make someone feel better, but usually the truth is written all over their faces.

Another reason I feel lucky is I still get eight to nine HOURS of pretty much unbroken sleep! The women I went to the antenatal classes with seemed to be surviving off regular naps, waking up numerous times in the night, and feeling generally unable to have a comfortable nights sleep. I would stand there making fraudulent noises of agreement, making a pact with myself to never let that secret out. I feel lucky, and you can trust when I say that I am taking full advantage of all the hours sleep I am getting at the moment, especially as I know it will change very soon…

Me after I was born eight weeks early, so small! Look how happy my parents look!

Searching for the Positives

Well it’s been a little while since my last post (over a month oops), but I’ve always been thinking what I want to write about next.
The last month hasn’t been a great month. People I thought were in on this journey with me for the long hall, have taken a great leap out of my life. I was really busy at work, and whether, because I knew I was leaving at the end of August, or because of the people I was dealing with, I had some confrontations that really upset me. And that’s why I haven’t been writing for the whole of August, I had the time to do it, but I didn’t want to write a negative post, especially when this is such an amazing time.

On Facebook I have seen a lot of people posting statuses, which gets them to list three positives over three days. I think this is a great idea. We as a society always look for the bad and rarely see the good, unless the good basically slaps us in the face. For something to be viewed as positive, it has to be totally out of the ordinary, if it is a small positive it is something that is just over looked. However on Facebook I saw people who said they had had a bad day looking for the positives within that, and in some cases it got them to turn the whole negative into today was actually a good day!.

So this post is going to be a positive, reflective post on my last month away from the keyboard.

First Positive
My first positive is probably going onto my holiday leave, which has been popped onto the top of my maternity leave. I will miss my works colleagues loads, but this isn’t a goodbye forever. This has also shown me that I need to take more time for myself. I had three weeks worth of leave saved up, and in my job, from now till the end of the year, we are at our busiest, which meant I would have struggled to take it had I not been pregnant. I learnt I need to take some more time for myself, and up till now I have been neglecting myself . I have only been on leave for 5 days, but I love it. So much me time. Sounds corny but I’m finding myself and working out any last demons before my baby arrives, so they come into this world to a happy, positive mummy.

Second Positive
Progression. There have been so many things happening in the last month. I stopped work as I mentioned above, but not just that has been progress. There has been progress with the bump. I had a midwife appointment, and she says things are coming along really well, and there have been no issues. I also am proud to say that I have lasted longer being pregnant, that I did as a little baby in my mummy’s womb. This might not sound like progression to some, but after a funny turn at around 24 weeks pregnant, there was always the worry of me getting Pre-Eclampsia, which was the reason I was born at 32 weeks, but there have been now issues so far. A major progression that has happened at home is decorating. I was getting a little stressed and concerned that things weren’t happening, and now I have a lovely room which is nearly ready, but if baby was to come early the room can be used without any trouble. Just in case baby was to make an early appearance, I have packed my hospital bag, which is organised for me. When I go on holiday I am good at not wearing things that I want to wear while away, and keeping those outfits to one side, but I am a last minute packer. I don’t know whether it is part of my “nesting” instinct but I feel calm and prepared knowing those bags are ready to go.

Third Positive
My amazing family and friends. Honestly I know I am only in the pregnancy stage, but the support I have been shown is outstanding. I know some people think I have made a crazy decision, but the support and words of encouragement from people has been overwhelming. I know I have some weeds to get rid of from my life, but everyone else has been great. My Facebook statuses haven’t always been positive, especially in the last month, but people have sent me messages that have really made my heart swell. Such lovely wishes of happiness and care, that have shown me that I am quiet good at choosing people to have in my life, even if a few made me doubt that for a small time. I know with no doubt in my mind that when my baby arrives there is an amazing support network full of love already in place to welcome them.

So those are my three main positives for the last month, but looking back through the month I found loads more to be happy about. I’m going to make more of a conscientious decision to make sure that the negatives don’t get me down. I mean me being in this situation is a giant positive in itself. I spoke to someone today who said it’s amazing, and I feel that if I focus on the negatives I will take away all of the miracle that I have been blessed with.

So here’s to a more positive me!