It has taken me a while to write this blog. A lot of courage has been required recently to keep going, and I feel that writing and sharing is the only way that I can cope with some pretty amazing changes that are going on in my life.
Let me start a little way back around March 2010.
I was overweight on the outside and horrendously unhappy on the inside. But not only was I holding onto my emotions on the inside, my lifestyle was very slowly catching up with me, and not in a good way.
I always knew what I was doing was self destructive, foods that should have been reserved for treats or every now and again occasions, had made their way into my life and were everyday occurrences, sometimes I would indulge more than once a day on sugary fatty goodness that was no good for me.
I was at college, and worked for a fast food company to support myself. Being in that environment was an amazing way to self abuse through food. I would eat fast food 3 times a day, and have other meals cooked at home by my parents which were healthy and nutritious, but couldn’t compete with the call of the fatty foods.
I would eat on the sly and hide food packaging wherever I could.
I did a minimum amount of exercise, usually just the movement pieces set by teachers from my performing arts course at college. Which would probably amount to two hours a week, if that.
Then one day I was hanging out with my friends at college, when I thought I was going to die.
I couldn’t breathe, I had chest pains which were excruciating.
I went to the local hospital, who ran tests and eventually concluded that I was suffering from Gallstones.
They were so severe, that even though it was the first episode I had experienced, the doctors decided that surgery would be the only way to solve this problem. I had already done too much damage, and nothing would be able to stop any episodes reoccurring.
So I had a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy, which is keyhole surgery to remove the Gallbladder.
You would think this would spur me to eat better, I was told to go onto a 5% Fat based diet which would help me manage my weight.
No. No it did not.
I hit fast food harder. Why did I need to diet? The issue was gone, and because of the surgery there was not threat of it returning.
I stayed in my job after finishing college, so gone was my little bit of exercise, I ate ridiculous amounts of fast food, smoked, drank, drove everywhere. I was on a one woman crusade to live the life of excess.
Eventually I left my job in the fast food industry to join a job at Gatwick Airport in May 2013. This job had me moving around more than I had done in years. I was told I could walk up to 10 miles a day. And I did. It was exhausting.
But in my first week on the job I lost an amazing nine pounds.
I was not eating fast food, and I was moving.
But it was also too late.
I may have been shifting weight, but I’d already done irreparable damage on the inside.
In the October I found myself in agony again, I was scared and in a lot of pain. At first I was diagnosed with a possible Appendicitis. But after more tests, some very invasive, I was eventually diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries.
At first I was relieved that I knew what was happening. Then my doctor started to explain that because of my condition, I would struggle to have children.
I know a lot of women have this, I know we all have it for different reasons. However I was faced with the facts that I had done so much damage to my body, I had left myself possibly unable to have children.
It was time to change
I started to eat healthy. I found exercise, at first I hated it, but then I started to find things that worked for me. By the time 2014 started I had lost almost four stone and I felt amazing.
At this time I also started up a casual relationship. For the first time ever I felt confident enough.
But I was reckless
Being told that I may find it difficult to conceive naturally, I didn’t worry about taking birth control. But what I didn’t realise was that losing all this weight had taken pressure off my internal organs.
I found out February 14th 2014 that I was going to have a baby
I was overjoyed, terrified, but in my eyes this was a miracle. In such a short space of time I had turned my life around, I had taken a promotion at work, was taking care of myself, and been blessed with naturally conceiving a baby.
So just a short skip back through time to get you to where I am today!
I am 27 weeks pregnant and don’t know what I am expecting.
It’s not been easy to get to today. I am going to be a single mother not totally by choice, but I can’t change things now.
And this blog is what it’s all about.
Me working through things.
I may be a single parent, but I’m not alone.
I have an amazing family and group of friends.
I wouldn’t have got this far without them.
I hope you follow me on my journey through pregnancy, to becoming a mummy.
It’s going to be one hell of a journey